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Schema Therapy
Understanding the patterns beneath the patterns
Maybe you’ve spent years wondering why you keep ending up in the same places.
Why you say yes when every part of you is screaming no.
Why asking for what you need can feel wildly uncomfortable.
Why you can be fiercely independent and still desperately want someone to understand you.
Why rejection hits like a truck.
Why you keep pushing through exhaustion until your body, brain or nervous system finally says absolutely not.
And maybe somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that these things mean something is wrong with you.
Schema Therapy offers another way of looking at it.
Rather than asking “What’s wrong with you?”, we get curious about what happened to you, what you learned from it, and how those lessons might still be running the show.
Your brain isn't the problem but the old rules might stopped working.
Schemas are deeply rooted patterns of thinking, feeling, relating and responding that develop through our experiences and relationships.
They often begin as incredibly understandable survival strategies.
You might have learned:
“My needs are too much.”
“I have to keep everyone happy.”
“If I make a mistake, I’ll be rejected.”
“I can't rely on anyone.”
“I have to do everything myself.”
“If I stop, everything will fall apart.”
These rules can make a lot of sense when we look at the world you were navigating at the time.
The trouble is, a strategy that helped you survive one environment can become a rather bossy backseat driver later in life.
Schema Therapy helps us notice those patterns without shaming you for having them.
And then there are the parts of you...
Schema Therapy also looks at different parts or modes — the different states you can find yourself in depending on what is happening around you.
There might be a part that keeps everyone happy.
A part that works ridiculously hard to prove you’re capable.
A part that wants to disappear when things get overwhelming.
A part that says “I don't need anyone.”
A part that is still carrying the hurt, fear or loneliness of a much younger you.
And perhaps a part that is absolutely done with everyone's nonsense.
None of these parts are the enemy.
They developed for reasons.
Together, we can get curious about what each part is trying to protect, what it needs, and whether it still needs to be running the show.
Schema Therapy through a neurodivergent lens
For Autistic, ADHD and AuDHD women, this matters.
Because sometimes what looks like a psychological “pattern” is actually a neurodivergent experience being misunderstood.
Your need for predictability isn't automatically a schema.
Your sensory overwhelm isn't a character flaw.
Your ADHD-related difficulties with time, attention or impulse control aren't proof that you're lazy or lacking discipline.
Being socially isolated doesn't necessarily mean you have a social isolation schema — you may simply have experienced being different in environments that weren't built with your brain in mind.
We don't pathologise your neurotype and call it healing.
Instead, we look at the whole picture.
Your neurotype.
Your nervous system.
Your relationships.
Your family and cultural context.
Your experiences of masking, exclusion, bullying or discrimination.
Your attachment experiences.
Your trauma, including the cumulative, everyday kind that doesn't always come with one dramatic event.
And, importantly, your strengths, interests, joy, identity and ways of being that actually feel like you.
From surviving to having more choice
Schema Therapy can involve talking and understanding, but it isn't just sitting around analysing your childhood until everyone gets bored.
We can use experiential approaches such as imagery, parts work, chair work, creative & somatic work and memory-based techniques to work with experiences that are still alive in your nervous system-not just intellectually understand them.
We can explore the younger parts of you that didn't get what they needed.
We can challenge the old rules.
We can practise responding differently.
And we can work towards something more useful than simply becoming better at coping with a life that doesn't fit.
The goal isn't to make you more palatable, productive or compliant.
It's to help you build a life where your needs count too.
Where you can recognise the difference between “this is my neurotype” and “this is a wound I learned to carry.”
Where you have more room for boundaries, connection, rest, play, autonomy and choice.
Where you don't have to spend your entire life auditioning for the role of acceptable human being.
What might we work with?
Schema Therapy can be particularly useful if you notice patterns around:
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people-pleasing, self-sacrifice or difficulty saying no
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shame or feeling fundamentally “wrong”, broken or too much
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perfectionism and relentless self-pressure
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emotional inhibition or difficulty knowing what you feel or need
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rejection, abandonment or relationship difficulties
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feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions
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difficulty trusting other people
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chronic over-functioning followed by burnout or shutdown
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repeating relationship patterns that leave you wondering,
“How did I end up here again?” -
childhood, relational or complex trauma
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the impact of masking and internalised ableism
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feeling disconnected from yourself or different parts of your identity
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struggling to make space for rest, pleasure, play or your own needs
Schema Therapy isn't about squeezing your very neurodivergent (or not) self into a neat therapeutic model.
The model needs to make room for you.
And sometimes that means bending the rules a little.
Because therapy should help you understand yourself better, not give you another set of rules about how you're supposed to be.
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